How to Use eHarmony

This is a site that’s a little bit different than most. Unlike other online dating services, There is no “search” function, and you rely on eHarmony to gather matches for you. Some people will try to communicate with you, and you will want to start the communication with others. This tutorial will show you how to communicate with others on the site. To learn more about the Guided Communication process, take a look at this tutorial.

eHarmony Home Page

When you sign into, you’ll be directed to the homepage. To access it at anytime, click the eHarmony logo in the top left of the header.

Here you’ll be able to quickly view your timeline – a list of events in chronological order, from eHarmony’s blog posts to someone sending you a smile. You can filter what kind of updates you see by clicking the options across the top of the timeline.

  • All Updates shows you everything new, including dating tips and advice from eHarmony.
  • Messages shows you who has sent you any type of communication, from questions to “smiles.”
  • Visitors shows you who has seen your profile, even if they haven’t sent you any communication.
  • Profile Updates shows you who has changed the information in their profile.
  • Photo Updates shows you who has added or changed their photos.

Communicating with your Matches

To see your list of matches, click Matches at the top header.

Here you’ll be taken to a list of matches that have been found for you. If you want to see which of these matches is communicating with you, select Communicating With to filter your matches.

To go to someone’s profile, click their profile picture. As you can see, their main photo will take up most of the page, with a box in the corner outlining their basic information. Beside the info box are your communication options. Click the envelope if you want to send a message to them or respond to a message they’ve sent you. Click the face if you want to send a “smile” to show that you’re interested in them, but don’t know what to ask or say to them yet. If you have a paid account, you can click the photo to see their other pictures.


Below the box, you can click Previous Match or Next Match to view someone else, or click Block Match if you don’t want to see them again (see our eHarmony Matching tutorial for a more thorough explanation of this). Or, if you need more information about them in order to make your decision, click the arrow on the far side of the screen.

If you’re trying to communicate with someone who has already started the communication, click the Message Status button (i.e. the jumping envelope icon) and see what he or she has to say. Click on your responses, or click the text boxes and then type in what you want to say.  When you’re done, click Next to send the message back to your match.

If you’re trying to communicate with someone who hasn’t yet communicated with you, you click the Message Status button too (i.e. the motionless envelope icon). You’ll be given six multiple-choice questions – choose five by clicking on the check boxes next to each of them to mark or unmark them. When you’re done click Send Questions.

Also notice at the top is your progress in eHarmony’s Guided Communication – it shows you how far along you are in their process for each person.

And that’s a quick tutorial of how to communicate with your matches on eHarmony!

eHarmony Settings

eHarmony’s settings allow you to change the basic info about your match settings – such as your age, ethnicity, income and more – and your account settings – like your billing info and password.

To access your settings, go to and log in (if you haven't already), and then click Settings in the top meu.

You’ll be automatically redirected to your Match Settings, where you can click on categories at the top in order to edit them, or click the arrows on the right/left to show more categories to edit. If there’s something you’d like to edit, click on it and it’ll show up below.  In this example, we'll make some edits in the Age category.

Click on the piece you’d like to edit.  Not all pieces are as easy to edit; for example, if you want to change your age, you’ll have to email those who work at eHarmony. However ,you can easily click and change the preferred age of your matches.

Click in each box and type in a number to set the preferred age range of your matches.  Click Save when you’re done.

At the top header, select Account Settings to deal with issues like password changes, billing information, and your email notification settings.

You’ll automatically see the General account settings that allow you to change your password or your email address. Select Email to show the types of emails you’re allowing eHarmony to send you.

As a default, everything is selected. It’s easy to see which you’d want more than others as they’re split up into two groups – “Match Alerts” and “Other Alerts”. “Other Alerts” include offers, newsletters, and more. “Match Alerts” include emails when someone sends you a photo or an icebreaker (the five questions you read about in our eHarmony Guided Communication tutorial) and when you receive new matches.

Click the check boxes beside each option to mark or unmark them.  You will only receive emails about the options that are marked.

By selecting Billing, you’ll be able to update any billing information, from your payment method to your subscription status (Six month vs. one year and basic vs. total connect membership).

Those are a few of the major settings you can change on eHarmony!

eHarmony Secure Call

A feature also offered by Match, Secure Call is a service that allows eHarmony users to call their matches without revealing their phone number. It allows you to phone and get to know your matches without revealing too much personal information. When you purchase Secure Call, you get a secure phone number that corresponds to your actual phone number, and your match gets the same. This way, you get to exchange your secure phone numbers and call each other at any time.

How to get Secure Call

If at any point in time you want to purchase Secure Call as a standalone service, you can click Secure Call in the "Premium Services" section down the right-hand side of the homepage.

To be able to purchase Secure Call, you must already have a paid membership with eHarmony.  Secure Call is included with the “Total Connect” membership, but it can be purchased separately for only $5.95 a month.

To learn more about Secure Call, including how to accept/decline a Secure Call request, how to make Secure Calls and more, take a look at <a data-cke-saved-href="" href="" "="" rel="nofollow">this quick Q&A page on eHarmony’s website.

eHarmony Guided Communication

eHarmony is a great way to begin if you’ve never done online dating before. They have a step-by-step guide to communicating with your matches so that anyone from outgoing people to shy people learn how to get to know others you’re compatible with.

  1. Read about your matches in their “About Me” sections – Find out if you’re actually interested in your match by browsing their “About Me” section.

  2. Send a First Round of Questions – Send your match a quick bout of five easy-to-answer but informative questions. You’re able to select the questions from a list of questions, so don’t worry if you’re already panicking trying to come up with questions.

  3. Trade your 10 “Must Haves” and 10 “Can’t Stands” – Get to know each other better by exchanging a list of your 10 “Must Haves” in a relationship and “Can’t Stands.” Consider these your deal makers and breakers in a relationship. An example of a "must have" and "can’t stand" would be "humorous" and "rude", respectively.

  4. Second Round of Questions – Send your match three open-ended questions in this last step of eHarmony’s anonymous Guided Communication. Create your own questions, or choose from a list of pre-set questions.

  5. Open Communication – Open communication allows you to talk freely to your match – like instant message or email – but at the same time still remain anonymous. This is the last step in deciding whether you want to pursue this person further, and get ready for that first phone call or date.

If you wish to skip the Guided Communication, you can click Fast Track to request to go straight to open communication. Your match will be given the same option, and if they agree, you both get to skip right to the open communication.

eHarmony Matching

If you’ve already made an account, then you already know what goes into the matching process for eHarmony. They use many questions to find with whom you are compatible. It looks at many factors, beyond likes and dislikes and into what truly makes a couple compatible. These factors include how you two solve conflicts, or whether you want the same things in life.  All of these help determine who would be a good match for you. It’s about having the same values as you.

Where can you see your Matches?

Once you’ve set up your account, you’ve been matched with people in your area. You’ll notice at the top that you have some notifications under Matches. Select it to see who has matched with you.

Here you’ll be able to see who your most compatible matches are. You’ll be able to see their name, age, where they live, and their profile picture. However, if you do not have a subscription, you will not be able to see their profile picture.

If you move your mouse cursor over the person's profile picture, it will flip over to show their age and location. From there you can click Hide to ignore a user you don’t care to speak to, or click Send Him/Her a Message to send an email through eHarmony to a user you want to know more about.

Any matches that you've clicked Hide for will show up in Hidden Matches, so click here if you change your mind about someone later.

If you click What If, you’ll be able to look at matches who may not be as compatible with you, but whom you still might be interested in. To be able to use this feature, you need to have upgraded your account to (at least) the basic plan.

By clicking Communicating With, you’ll be able to see who is trying to communicate with you, and with whom you’ve already communicated.  Click My Turn to see people who are waiting for a response from you, and click Their Turn to see whom you are waiting for a response from.  You can also click eH Mail to see emails that you've sent or received through eHarmony's internal email system.

And that's a quick overview of how matches work on eHarmony!

How to Set Up an eHarmony Profile

After comleting eHarmony's questionnaire, you'll have to do a few more things to complete your profile. These are pretty common profile features that are found on most dating websites like the popular competitor

Upload Pictures

Posting pictures on allows other matches to put a face to your name. You’ll notice that you’re given the option to select a “cover photo” and some smaller thumbnails. The cover photo will be a large image and the one your matches will see first. The thumbnails will be a part of your profile in a smaller form.

Click the Cover Photo box to upload your cover photo, and then click the smaller boxes to upload any extra photos. The process is the same either way: navigate through your computer files using the explorer window that pops up, click the picture you want to select it, and then click Open.

You can also choose to log into your Facebook account and upload your photos from there. Don’t worry, though; eHarmony will not post anything to Facebook on your behalf.  It just takes the photos from your Facebook profile in order to speed up the process.

When you’re done, click Re-Crop Photo to resize your cover photo to your liking.

You’ll be able to crop the photo so that the most important part – you – is front and center.  Click and drag your mouse to create a selection, and then click and drag the edges of the selection to move them around.  When you’re finished, click Apply Crop.

When you’re done cropping, you’ll be given the option to choose which layout you like most. Click either option, and you’ll be automatically redirected to your (partly finished) profile page.

Completing your profile

To go to your profile, click the Profile button in the top header to be redirected to your profile.

Here you’ll be able to click on arrows on the right and left sides of the page to go to other pages in your profile that let others know more about you.

Any section that has a plus sign in it means that you can or must enter information there.  Click it to get started.

Now, type in the information that you want to put in the section you've chosen, and then click Save when you’re done.  Repeat the above step and this one for any other sections you want to add information to.

Another part of your profile is a set of questions and answers (Q&A), which contains over 1,000 questions. Don’t worry – it’s not super important if you don’t do them all. But when you can, answer a few here and there. Simply click the answer you want and click Answer to submit your answer and move on to the next question. If you don’t want to answer the question, click Delete Question.

The more you build your profile, the fuller the bar in the top-right corner of your header will get.

And that's a quick lesson on how to build your profile for eHarmony!

How to Complete the eHarmony Questionnaire

In order to start using eHarmony, you’ll have to put in a little time and effort to answer the mandatory profile questionnaire. This is going to help dictate your matches based on your personality and compatibility with other people, so be as honest as possible.

These questions will be easy to answer, if a little time consuming. There are seven dots, each end is the complete opposite answer to the question and the middle dot is the neutral answer. Click whichever dot best describes you. For example, the first question is “How well does warm generally describe you?” One end is “not at all,” the other end is “very well” and the middle is “somewhat.” Click whichever dot you think best represents you on this scale.

eHarmony question example

If you clicked too fast and wish to go back to fix an answer, click the Oops! button in the bottom left.

Correct eHarmony questionnaire answer

You’ll continue this way for about 75% of the sections. You’ll go through how you describe yourself, how you view life, your feelings and your interests. Just read each question carefully and click on the dot that best represents your answer. Once you’re done each section, click Let’s Go to go to the next section. When you’re three quarters finished it will say Build Your Profile because it will consist of different types of questions.

Too much for you? You can always exit at any time and come back later – eHarmony saves your progress for you.

Save progress on eHarmony Questionnaire

For the last 25% you’ll deal with yourself and building your profile. Your highest level of education, three things you’re thankful for and you’ll even write a short description about a few things you’re passionate about. You’ll see in the bottom right your character count. It starts off red and turns green once you’ve written enough that you can move forward.

Answers are limited by character count

When you’re done, you’ll repeat the same multiple-choice answers as above but it will pertain to what you’re looking for in your matches. Do you want someone who has kids? Someone who drinks daily or weekly? Who is very religious? This is where you’ll give your preferences. Click Let’s do this to begin the last section of the questionnaire!

Final stages of eHarmony Questionnaire

When you’re done, you’ll be asked to submit your telephone number just in case you need assistance with your account, however it is not necessary; if you want to leave it blank, just click This Looks Good without giving your number. By selecting this, you’ll be agreeing to eHarmony’s terms and service.

Submit phone number to eHarmony


Congrats on making it through the tough part! Now you just need to set up your eHarmony profile, and then you’ll be able to check out your matches! If you want to get the full experience using the eHarmony website, you’ll need a paid subscription. Check out our article about the cost of eHarmony to learn about the potential costs of using the site.

How to Sign Up for eHarmony

Creating an account on eHarmony is as easy as pie. It’s what comes after that can be time consuming and daunting.

First, go to and enter your first name, [gender] seeking [ gender], your zip (or postal) code, and your country by clicking on the respective boxes and typing in or selecting the appropriate information.. When you’re done, select Let’s Go to go to the next section.

The second section for signing up includes entering your email, a password you’d like to use, and where you heard about eHarmony.  Again, click in each of the respective boxes and type in or select the appropriate information.  When you’re done, select Find My Matches.

Here you’ll have a set of basic questions to fill out. Gender? Marital status? Kids? Click on your response, or click a text box and type in your information, for each question.  Be as honest as possible – this way, you can get the best matches possible.

The easy part is done! Click Let’s Go to start the questionnaire.  Check out our eHarmony Questionnaire tutorial for more info on what you should expect to be on it.